Tuesday, April 1, 2014

THE EGO (for men)

The following article was not written by me. Unfortunately, I do not know the author, but I found it amongst my file box of articles. I hope it may be useful to anyone reading it.

File:How-to-boost-self-confidence-large.jpg     Knowing yourself means understanding yourself and why at times in your life you know the score, you know what to do but you just can't act. Sometimes you get feelings of frustration and intimidation in a situation. You may then make an excuse that you are too good for the potential rejection anyway.
          If you're in a situation and want to act knowing very well that if things don't go according to plan that you will still be OK and you will learn something new. If you can't make yourself act under these circumstances, than there is something nasty that still holds you back that causes a fear in you. If all of the above is occurring then you can be absolutely sure that the very thing that is preventing you from acting is your "ego".
          Let’s say for example, you approach a group of women and got ignored or laughed at. This would still be a positive situation. The question still lingers though. Why don't you act and just approach knowing that it might happen? 
          It is our ego that is responsible for our lack of action in all things.
          Our ego is an illusionary image that we have of ourselves. The ego thinks that it is too good to potentially get rejected and does NOT care about the upside of things. It just wants to be protected from any potential damage even if that means losing many good opportunities at home and at work.
          Some men will suffer from a higher ego than others, but generally our ego is there to protect us from feeling like a failure. In small doses this is ok but when it gets too big... THIS IS BAD THING!
          Your ego is an imaginary state of mind, an illusion. Your ego is something that permits you to think that you are better than you really are; it’s a cover up, a band-aid solution for insecurity. This is the insecure feeling that you won't succeed in your workplace and in your family life. With your ego though, you can pretend that you will succeed and so don't need to try. It makes you think that you don’t need to work on your job or your relationships.
          Let’s be blunt:  you go and approach a woman and you get rejected, there is a reason for this. She may have issues or is in a bad mood but most likely what just occurred was your fault. You most likely lack in skill and experience in cold approaching women and your insecurities take over and mess you up.
          This insecurity and lack of skill is something that has to be ironed out of you and removed over time. This can only occur through constant daily practice. Eventually you will gain the much needed experience that is so vital to your success.
          What prevents you from acting and achieving this though is your ego.
          Also, if your ego does not get what it thinks it deserves, then it will go out and find something or someone who feeds it.  For example, if a spouse is too tired or is pre-occupied, or does not want to give into your ego then you will find somewhere or someone else to feed it. Your ego wants constant attention and it does not want to be reminded of mistakes and failures.  This is why most men cheat on their spouses. Of course, this is an excuse. It is better to run from your problems than to face them head on and that is what having an over inflated ego makes you think.  Your ego may be why your relationships fail.
          Your ego will always get in the way. Your ego might make you feel good through illusion in the short term, but I guarantee you it's doing you more damage then you realize. What your ego is doing is robbing you from the vital experience needed in different situations so you can learn and grow. Your ego is not allowing you to act, and it has a hidden agenda. It wants to be protected and shielded from any kind of rejection at all costs.
          When you don't put yourself out of your comfort zone, you have no chance of rejection. Your ego is protected and this is where it likes to be. Over INFLATED and protected.
          WHAT ABOUT YOU THOUGH, WHERE DOES YOUR HAPPINESS LIE? All you end up with is frustration and loneliness and an over protected over inflated false sense of self.
          Most of us have suffered at one stage or another with an over inflated ego. We tell ourselves how good we are and how confident we are, but inside feel weak and scared. This is what it's like living with an over inflated ego. I think that the right place to begin to eliminate this enemy of an ego is to understand it. Don't let it stop you from acting and reaching your goals.
          Please remember that nobody is above rejection and these painful embarrassing experiences are a part of the learning process. They will help you to grow overtime and develop a thicker skin. The ego must go so that you may live in reality. You will find that the more aware of your ego you are the better you are able to manage it and control it.  When that happens you will see life in a new way and instead of having a false sense of security you will gain real security and confidence.  You will see a difference in your work and in your family life.
         Think about your ego and what it's doing to you. Where has it gotten you?  How has it affected your workplace?  How has it affected your home life, your relationship with your spouse and children?
          Is it worth it?