Thursday, April 3, 2014

THEY'RE HERE











Have you heard about the Zombie apocalypse? And have you also heard that zombies aren’t allowed in Canada? 

Well, today, I saw them, a whole bunch of them as a matter of fact. I saw one at the grocery store this morning. She looked like a normal person buying normal food, except when the cashier told her the cost of the groceries, she just stared, went into “zombie mode” and it lasted a good two minutes. The cashier looked at me and I looked at her. I thought perhaps the lady might have been having a minor epileptic seizure. The cashier politely repeated the cost of the groceries and then the zombie shook her head, mumbled incoherently and gave the cashier some cash. The transaction was completed and I watched her throw the food in a box and shuffle away. Zombie. 

Then later when I went to fill my car with gas I came across another one. This time it was male. I pulled up behind the car and waited my turn. The man seemed agitated and when he was done pouring gas he shuffled toward the door. I thought he was going inside to pay for the gas, but he just stood there by the door staring at it. Perhaps he was waiting for it to open automatically. Several people passed him going in and coming out, but he did not seem to notice. I started to get impatient and reached for the door handle; I was going to get out to see what he was doing because I didn’t have all day to wait for him to move his car. Just as I was getting out he went inside. I sat back down and closed the door. He came back out and got in his car. He didn’t start it. He just sat there. I laid on the horn and he looked up, started his car and left. Zombie.

I was waiting at a traffic light. It turned green. The oncoming traffic did not move. What the heck is going on here today? I said to myself. I would have gone out ahead to make a left hand turn, but there was no arrow directing me to go. One car got the message and came on through while the other car did not move. The lady driving was just staring out the windshield. A car came up behind her and laid on the horn. She looked in her rear view mirror and slowly moved through the light. Zombie. When the way was clear, I made the left hand turn safely.

I stopped at another traffic light. A lady went through a red light and almost caused a major pile-up. Zombie.

A man was walking on the side of the road and bumped into a pole. Zombie.

I put my signal light on to enter the driveway of the apartment building where I live and pulled in. Someone backed up without even looking to see if it was safe to do so and almost pile-drived me into tomorrow. They stopped just in time and stared at me as if it was my fault for being there. Zombie. 

Zombies. They are everywhere. The scary part is they look like ordinary people. They live among us and are here in Canada. There are many of them. To see them all you have to do is go out there and observe. They are not hard to spot. And once you know what they look like you have the advantage and can prevent yourself from getting zombified. 

So when you go out there, be careful, they are everywhere. Stay sharp, stay focused, and above all, don’t panic.