Sunday, August 31, 2014


The car I had been driving died. A new car was bought. All debt was paid. 

My relationship with my partner seemed better, but I was just kidding myself. My relationship with my son was rock solid. I was still riddled with guilt, but we were good, we were closer than ever. 

I was still going to physio, dealing with my pain, and visiting my doctor on a regular basis. I was still hooked on pain killers. My stomach was raw from taking anti-inflammatory pills, and at the next visit to the doctor I mentioned how my stomach was burning. He asked me about my meds, but I didn’t tell him that I was taking anything other than what he prescribed. Nor did I mention that I had been going to the walk-in clinic to obtain what I could. 

He gave me some meds for the burning, but it didn’t help. My condition got worse and I finally realized that I had to stop what I was doing; I had to stop the pain killers. I was sent to a GI specialist and a colonoscopy and EGD was done. Results showed severe H.Pylori infection and inflammation. I was given antibiotics for two weeks then ulcer medication for six months. I cannot tell you the hell I went through going cold turkey from the other drugs, but I did it, and my stomach hasn’t been the same since, and not in a good way.

Then some bad news changed things once again. My partner’s mother was deathly ill and was in the hospital. The three of us went to Newfoundland to see her, to say goodbye. My son and I came back to Brampton and my partner stayed. She passed a few days later and he came back home. Things got steadily worse; our relationship was growing to a point where we couldn’t even look at each other.

We had made plans to go back to Newfoundland for Christmas before his mother passed, and since we couldn’t refund the tickets, we went. For me, it was a nice holiday, and I visited many relatives and enjoyed the time I had with them. It helped to be among relatives since I was still trying to get over my addiction. My partner had gone home two days early to go back to work then my son and I followed. 

I had been back only a week when the lawyer’s office informed me of another assessment. After the psychological assessment had been reviewed, the insurance company reinstated my income replacement benefits and approved a treatment plan for counselling. It couldn’t have come at a better time.

I was a mess when I went to my first session with the psychologist. I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I was going through the motions. I was taking care of my son, my home, and desperately trying to take care of myself, but something was missing in my life. There was a void that nothing could fill. 

When our lease finally came up in May we moved to a smaller apartment. My son was doing well in school, I was trying hard to keep a smile on my face for him, and my relationship with my partner was non-existent. We hardly saw each other.

I was still seeing the therapist. I wasn’t getting any problems solved, but it was good to have someone to vent to. 

Then, in a flash, my whole world turned upside down again. I found out why my partner had been gone all the time; an affair.

My son finished school for the summer and he and I took a flight to Newfoundland, where we spent the entire summer. 

September 2012 - August 2013