Thursday, April 2, 2015

YOU KNOW YOU'RE ADDICTED TO FOOD WHEN...

    *You eat breakfast and then think about what you’re going to eat for lunch.
 
*At lunch you lick the trace of dressing out of your bowl after you have finished eating all your veggies, then you eat your Jenny Craig entrĂ©e and lick that container after you’re done.
 
*You can’t wait to eat your midday snack and when you’re done, you take note the time and count the hours to when you can eat again.
 
*When you can’t make it to the next meal, you take from your “secret stash.”
 
*Thinking makes you want to eat.
 
*Seeing thin people makes you want to eat.
 
*Shopping for clothes makes you want to eat.
 
*Fashion makes you want to eat.
 
*Exercise makes you want to eat.
 
*Thinking about going on a diet makes you want to eat.
 
*Everything makes you want to eat.
 
*You wake up the next morning with crumbs on your nightshirt and can’t remember what happened? (Where did my ____’s birthday cake go? you wonder.)
 
*At parties or events you never eat, but when nobody’s looking you take a whole platter of food and find the nearest hiding place. You never eat in front of other people.
 
*You wish you could stop yourself, but you can’t. You don’t even know what you’re eating or how the food gets in your mouth. You’re a starving wolf trying to survive to your next meal.
 
*You eat and eat and eat and never feel full. There is no “shut-off” switch.
 
*Your guilt makes you want to eat more.
 
*When someone says something to you about the way you look, you immediately slip out to get a couple Big Macs and supersize the fries and drink.
 
*You never go out to social events anymore.
 
*All you think about is food. All you do is eat.
 
*Your partner leaves you.
 
*You lose your job and are forced to get help from Social Services or Temporary Assistance.
 
*You isolate yourself from the outside world because you think you’re doing fine, but you’re not.
 
*You use the “Finger Menu” and order in, a lot.
 
*Every restaurant in a 10 mile radius has memorized your phone order.
 
*Delivery drivers get paid through the mail slot in the door.
 
*At 600 plus pounds, when you can’t wipe your own ass, can’t clean up after yourself, are wading through a cesspool of your own filth, you finally realize you need help and call a professional, Dr. Younan Nowzaradan, at the Houston Obesity Clinic and beg for help.