Monday, May 2, 2016


Do you remember when your relationship was young? Remember how much you wanted each other? Remember staying up all hours of the night talking?  Remember all those endless sex sessions? It was phenomenal how many places you could do it—it didn’t matter what time of day—and do it without giving a damn about getting caught. Oh, those were the days. Then years pass, routine comes, careers, kids, you know what I’m talking about. It seems like there’s no time and when there is time, it’s in the refines of your own bedroom behind locked doors or you’re just too tired to even think about it.

When I first started my relationship with my current partner, it was an experience that I had never had before. I hadn’t much experience with men and my teenage and young adult life was spent trying to survive, not much else. I had gotten myself into a very abusive relationship and married young and when I finally got out of that I ended up meeting someone who gave me a very different meaning of sex. It was highly enjoyable and satisfying. Even after having a child, we still managed to find the time and wanted each other.

Along the way something that I never expected happened, and I’m not sure when or how or even why, but it just happened. Perhaps it was because my partner started working the evening shift and when he would get home I’d already be asleep or maybe it was because he was starting to have symptoms of ED. It could be the extra pounds I’d put on or losing those pounds and having to deal with loose skin. I’m not sure, but somewhere along the line, we started having sex in the dark.

Now I don’t think that my partner even realizes that it’s happened, because he’s a man, all he wants to do is release the pressure then turn around and go to sleep. But it’s kept me awake at night. The idea of having sex in the dark has made me feel old.  And now I feel awkward about having sex in the light of morning; it’s not as fun as it used to be. If he should happen to come to bed when I’m reading, I’ll turn the lights out when it starts to get hot. I have gotten so paranoid that I can’t do it unless the lights are out.

I’ve heard it said that you should never make a sex video of yourself and your partner because it’s not the same as what you see on the movies. You think you’re all that, but in reality, it’s pretty lame, and I have not heard anyone say to me, “Oh, we made a sex tape last night and we were amazing!” Actually, I’ve heard just the opposite. Think of that movie SEX TAPE with Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz.

However, on the other hand, one thing that I have noticed is that my orgasms have gotten more intense. They are stronger and last longer and there doesn’t have to be a lot of foreplay. Perhaps it’s like being blind, if you shut off one sense another kicks in stronger. So, maybe I’m on to something here. If it feels good, then maybe I shouldn’t worry too much about it. It doesn’t seem to matter to him, so why should it matter to me? After all, every session ends the same way, he turns around and goes to sleep, and I reach for the latest Stephen King.